Layoff Me and My Steel Libido

Conventional wisdom would favor me searching for jobs this evening but I’ve just returned from Whole Foods and I’m a little distracted. I ran in to pick up some vitamin B supplements, bath salts, and kale — the staples of any household affected by a layoff — and got sidetracked in the vitamins and tinctures […]

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Layoff Me: MTB

The worst advice I’ve ever heard came from a former manager of mine. I’d worked for this woman for a little more than a year, long enough to understand that she was unhappy but not long enough to know why. I’d been mulling the idea of leaving Chicago and moving to the mountains, finding work […]

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Layoff Me (The Look)

Only women, children, and dogs are loved unconditionally. A man is only loved under the condition that he provides something. I never heard a woman in my life say, “You know, after he got laid off we got so much closer.” I once heard my grandmother say, “A broke man is like a broke hand: […]

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Layoff Me, I’m Starvin’

A couple of weeks ago, at the beginning of the month, I parted ways with a large company for which I’d been working as an independent contractor. The leadership team had wanted to hire me as a permanent employee to manage a small team of people, but due to business pressure they were forced to […]

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Crazy, Essentially

The essential oils were supposed to promote a sense of tranquility and inner balance. This is what Kristen told me. I had an important meeting at my company’s headquarters in downtown Chicago, and she suggested I rub some scented oil on the soles of my feet to evoke these feelings while I was presenting to […]

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